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Rob's Rankings: Intriguing Power Five conferences, Looney Tunes

CLASS OF 2019 RANKINGS: Rivals250 | State | Position | Team

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Texas QB Sam Ehlinger scores versus Oklahoma.
Texas QB Sam Ehlinger scores versus Oklahoma. (AP Images)
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College football Twitter users love to argue about conference strength almost as much as they like to argue about barbecue or fast food hamburgers. We here at Rob’s Rankings are concerned with none of those things. Instead, this space is all about being entertained. It’s why this week we try our hand at ranking the Power Five conferences, not by the strength of their member teams but by pure intrigue.

Again, this is not a ranking of the strongest or deepest conferences. It’s also not a ranking of the leagues most likely to produce multiple playoff teams. The basis for these picks is intrigue and nothing more.

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Big 12 

Carter Stanley
Carter Stanley (AP Images)

Most interesting teams: Texas, West Virginia, Oklahoma, Kansas

Least interesting teams: Kansas State, Iowa State, Oklahoma State

Oklahoma, which looked like the class of the league not long ago, spiced things up by firing its defensive coordinator in the wake of a loss to Texas, which suddenly seems like a Big 12 title contender just five weeks after an embarrassing loss to Maryland that sent some searching for a panic button. How’s that for a twist?

West Virginia and its incredibly fun-to-watch offense is also in the mix, alongside the Sooners and Longhorns in what is shaping up to be the most interesting conference title race in the country. Even lowly Kansas packs some intrigue, as the Jayhawks, 1-29 in their last 30 conference games, are showing flashes of being a competitive football team and may stun somebody down the stretch.

The Big 12 gets an extra bump for the shootouts it produces. And because this column is mine and plays by rules, teams are awarded no points for 13-10 games that feature things like “good defense.” Score 40 or get off my television. The Big 12 gets the top spot.

Big Ten 

Jim Harbaugh and Michigan
Jim Harbaugh and Michigan (AP Images)

Most interesting teams: Michigan, Ohio State, Nebraska, Penn State

Least interesting teams: Minnesota, Illinois, Rutgers

Jim Harbaugh’s existence as Michigan’s head coach keeps the Wolverines interesting, regardless of record. This year, they happen to seem mostly good, but that’s irrelevant to these rankings. Harbaugh packs intrigue because of his polarizing nature. The fact that his team's late-season clash with Ohio State is shaping up to be vital to the national picture is a bonus.

The undefeated Buckeyes are also worth noting, obviously. The conferences’ biggest surprise thus far hasn’t been a positive one, as Nebraska being 0-5 under Scott Frost is as interesting as it is disastrous. Penn State and Wisconsin are also players in the title hunt, making them worth watching. The Big Ten is the country’s deepest league, which counts for something. Iowa will probably upset somebody in a big spot because it's Iowa, so extra points for that.

SEC 

LSU running back Nick Brossette
LSU running back Nick Brossette (AP Images)

Most interesting teams: LSU, Florida, Kentucky, Georgia, Auburn

Least interesting teams: Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Arkansas

Alabama is an absolute juggernaut, but that doesn’t necessarily make the Tide particularly interesting until the playoff begins. Where’s the intrigue in a dynasty bludgeoning everyone on the schedule? LSU, while not nearly as talented, is the more interesting team because nobody seems to agree on what the Tigers’ ceiling is or how lucky they’ve gotten to be 5-1.

Kentucky might be the league’s second-most intriguing squad, as the Wildcats are 5-1 with wins over UF and Mississippi State. UK hasn’t won eight regular season games since 1984, but reaching that mark suddenly seems like a near certainty.

Auburn is wonderfully bi-polar and Georgia looks to have some sort of quarterback controversy brewing despite being undefeated the season after an appearance the national title game. Dan Mullen’s Florida team is apparently something between “decent” and “not awful,” which has my attention.

There are a couple terrible and boring teams at the bottom of the standings, but the SEC boasts the nation’s best program and enough overachievers to keep things fun despite a title race that will probably lack nuance.

ACC 

Clemson's Xavier Thomas
Clemson's Xavier Thomas (AP Images)

Most interesting teams: Clemson, Miami, Florida State, NC State

Least interesting teams: Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, North Carolina

A league with a title race that doesn’t pack a ton of uncertainty because Clemson looks like the most complete team, the ACC boasts other reasons for intrigue.

Louisville could be playing Bobby Petrino onto the hot seat (if the school can afford his buyout), while NC State has started 5-0 for the first time since 2002. Willie Taggart’s rocky start at Florida State has been captivating for reasons that haven’t been positive, and it seems like the next four weeks will be paramount to the fan base’s attitude about the new staff.

Boston College running back AJ Dillon, when healthy, gives Boston College rare national appeal and Syracuse quarterback Eric Dungey is a blast to watch. Clemson expects true freshman superstar Trevor Lawrence to lead it to a playoff appearance, and he looks up to the task most times. Also, Duke is 4-1, which makes Blue Devils at least sort of interesting … sort of.

Pac-12 

Chip Kelly
Chip Kelly (AP Images)

Most interesting teams: Oregon, UCLA, Washington State, Colorado, USC

Least interesting teams: Almost everyone else

The UCLA rebuild was always going to take time, but Chip Kelly’s slow-developing recruiting approach combined with an 0-5 record is causing justified concern in Westwood. The rocky start is definitely an interesting storyline to monitor as the offseason’s most celebrated hire is not going well thus far.

Colorado’s emergence as a contender for the Pac-12 South title is just as interesting for the opposite reasons. USC fans can’t decide if they like or hate their head coach, while Washington State is scoring more than 38 points per game while throwing the ball on every down. All the while, Mike Leach continues to be Mike Leach.

Like its head coach, Washington is incredibly good but not particularly interesting. Cal and Oregon State are … confirmed football teams with rosters full of confirmed football players? While not wholly uninteresting, the Pac-12 ranks last among the Power Five in these very scientific standings.

OVERTIME 

Tasmanian Devil
Tasmanian Devil (AP Images)

Because cartoons and nostalgia never go out of style and villains are usually cooler than heroes, this week’s overtime ranks the Looney Toons antagonists. Related: Remember, in the early '90s, when Looney Toons had a moment in popular culture? Teens were wearing shirts that featured Tweety Bird, Bugs Bunny and Taz sporting aloof facial expressions? The '90s were so weird. I would not believe they existed if I hadn’t lived them. Anyway, the list can be found below.

1. Wile E. Coyote: One of television’s original anti-heroes, I know I wasn’t the only one that rooted that for Wile E. Coyote to catch and devour the Road Runner. The circle of life is an incredible thing, after all.

2. Marvin the Martian: A soft-spoken foe of Bugs Bunny, Marvin is evil as hell. Why does he wear a Roman soldier's uniform? Who knows? I’m no expert on Mars fashion, but I know that it’s unwise to question the style of people with ray guns.

3. Yosemite Sam: What’s scarier than a gun-toting crazy that probably evolved into a full-blown militia member as he aged?

4. Sylvester J. Pussycat Sr.: A largely unremarkable character with no defining characteristic. Plus, it’s nearly impossible for a house cat – even a giant one – to be imposing. According to the internet, he successfully ate Tweety Bird in a webtoon called “Twick or Tweety” in 2008. I got paid to research that.

5. Tasmanian Devil: Never did it for me. He was basically a mean-spirted, hyper-active slob. I’m happy he’s been reduced to decoration for spare tire covers and mud flaps. He belongs with those people.

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